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09:15pm 10/11/2002
  Malignant boob. I did no such thing!  
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02:16pm 19/07/2002
  Blasted heat. Blasted mosquitos.


Damnation to these fluttering, bloodthirsty scavengers--feasting on my poor, aging flesh as that of a desert man to water! Hmm. That musty old bat is not the only Istari gifted in pestilant speech. Perhaps, I may have a word with these beasts and refer them to a rather meaty hobbit, so I may in turn be left in peace...

Let it be noted that my scepter is far better suited in scourging incompetents, as opposed to inhabitants of the insect kingdom. I have proceeded to destroy a dozen decorative pillars and a stained glass window within my skylight. Gah! My sight is weak, and my aim has proven itself formidable. Furthermore, my exceedingly poor excuse for an illegitimate spawn is valueless when it comes to maneuvering that of an Egyptian ostrich feather fan.

I have ordered a so called "Mosquito-B-Gone" lantern as well as an alleged "air conditioning system" from this newage "Home Shopping Network" conundrum, to put an end to my trauma. Should these trinkets fail, I will instruct the Black Riders to seize and enslave these tenacious marketers to the depths of the orc pits.

I am ridiculously old and my patience wears thin!
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In The Name Of Isenguard...   
01:48pm 27/06/2002
  A frivolous clod has shrunken my head to aid him in expressing his anger.

I am most displeased by this outrageous voodoo.
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Now, See Here   
03:07pm 16/06/2002
  According to the markings on the Istari calander, this is the mortal day of Fatherly Appreciation.

Boorish squanderer--where are my offerings? Shall I remind you that prior to my guidance, you were tidying hobbit feces in exchange for your daily sustinence?

Permit me to bring to your attention that my gown has been torn by the clumsy foot of a blubbering mule. I would value another, if I may be so bold. Such discovery would be best left to the cobwebbed depths of your own feeble intellect, but I suspect that between uncouth displays of cussing and savage slayings of the innocent, such trifles would remain unnoticed.
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Such Humour!   
08:29pm 29/05/2002
  I have become agitated by the behavior of such...imbeciles.

As the sole malicious evildoer possessing class, I believe that setting an example for the lot of nocturnal nitwits becomes my duty. Gah! I do not recall a verse in the Istari tomes stating one must endure such madness. My nimble sides ache, merely contemplating such pressures!

Melkor, darkest lord of Arda! How you parade about as a drunken racoon-- pompous nincompoop! I presume that this tar you daub around your eyes has granted you a stupor as well as blindness!

Sauron, once mighty and feared! Look what has become of you--distributing pizza pies as you tottle yarn with your fearsome KITTEN! For utter shame, you blasted buffoon!

O, how my antiquated heart writhes in anguish by this lack of suitable malignant authority. Were it left to my own hand to discipline such foolishness, I would see all traces of facial paints and crushed tomatos promptly eliminated.

By the Ring, I starve. You will provide me with my supper within the trice, or prepare to greet the eye of my scepter!
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My Bidding   
01:50pm 17/05/2002
  My servants,

You irrelevant specimens will appeal to my requests at whim. I am your master, and therefore, you will proceed to obey me.

And you, miscreant child of my hand, I believe it is mandatory that I cleanse your mouth with detergent.

My instructions are to forget the blasted Ring. This old dolt yearns for a tip of wine and dancing!


You have not witnessed me dance the Mediterranean Tarantella. These old bones have not yet been laid to rest...
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05:46pm 10/05/2002
  O, my aching temples.

My choice of journal motif is most pitiable--for these old eyes find reading this new-age funkaphone most troublesome. Do the masters disregard the elder users of their inventions? This pestered lord of the Istari suffers infernally. And I will dispose of these mongrels to compensate for my ludicrous amount of headache prescriptions.

And how is it that one such as I resides in a tall, obsidian tower, with yet not a thing to occupy his time?


Should I continue to stare at walls while waiting for The Ring, I will surely turn to stone.

You fools will entertain me.

Yes. This is my order.
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